Thoughts on Social Dancing, Dance Etiquette, dance stuffs:

Dance is like a sport, exercise, practice, shower, be nice, have presence, both leads and follows are OK to ask people for dances, respect others, communicate:
- Be NICE.
  - Ask nicely, be nice, always.
  - Learn a few polite ways (some funny ways can divert tension) to decline dances.
  - Somewhere in some blog, can’t remember where, years ago, somebody said, to let a person know of their bad breath: “Hey!! how about we down a box of mints!!!” or something funny to that effect… paraphrasing here. But can be done with tact, and humor, and friendliest of voices…
- When other are not NICE
  - YES, IT SUCKS to be turned down harshly… even worse if it is in the middle of dancing and in the middle of the dance floor where everyone can see…
    - Be nice, be patient… Try not to leave people abandoned in the middle of a song in the middle dance floor…
      - If they are jerks, rude, crossed a line… get handsy, if a word of caution does not help… well, you hafta, you hafta… leave them there. Safety first.
    - Girls with pony tails/long hair:
      - Make a bun, keep your hair to yourself.
      - You will be abandoned in the middle of the dance floor if you do nothing to control wild hair and keep it from hitting my eyes AND added to the “Shit/Do NOT dance with ever again” List.
- Exercise: It always helps to stay in shape. Have you seen dancing with the stars? Do they look awesome? Yeah? Ever seen a couple or a team dance super fast, strong… Yeah?? They exercise… Get it?
- Practice: Yes, both leads and follows. It is important and even more for the LEAD!
  - Most places where there is social dancing there are classes before the social.
  - Try a class or two, try and practice the moves, cause, if you don’t practice, that body language goes bye bye…
  - Practice, Practice, Practice, Practice…. Did I say, practice??? Get it??
- Good Hygiene is important (should be obvious, but…):
  - Brush Teeth <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
  - Shower <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
  - Wear Deodorant!!!!!!! <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
  - Carry a change of top/T-shirt/Shirt, and a towel.
  - Breath Mints
  - It is OK Freshen Up once or twice during the event/evening/congress, etc.
- PRESENCE:
  - Have you ever tried to dance with a person that has “doodle” hands… like, it almost seems their hands are noodles or spaghetti… Yeah… can’t do much physical communication with that person…
  - As I am a lead, I really appreciate, and are more predisposition-ed to dance again with a follow that has presence… That is there, that is paying attention to your hands, commands, the next turn. Contact is essential, reaction time, feedback… the lead starts the move, the follow completes that move…. and onto the next move….
    - If the noodle hands are not open to letting me now they are alive, and ready for the next move/command/instruction attentively, eagerly, then no good dance may come… or may just feel odd…
    - Faster songs can be danced very quickly, assertively, and we can have a bad-ass dance off on that song, so long there is PRESENCE!!!
    - Think bad ass commando vs a snail…. See it???
- Chemistry:
  - Very subjective topic.
  - Add to it the “energy” of the other person and what both people feel upon embracing and through different songs and well… all the interactions.
  - Many a time I try and dance with the “pretty” girl, just to find out there is no connection, no chemistry, or something…. well, NEXT.
  - If you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it. But be nice, say thank you and move on to the next dance.
- RESPECT, give it, expect it:
  - Like anything in life, be respectful.
  - Girls: DO NOT BE DRUNK!!!!!
    - Just NO.
  - People may come from different walks of life, a hard day, or a really bad day.
  - Try and detach yourself from any bad responses, be polite and friendly, set boundaries and enforce them.
  - Guys: No, means NO.
  - Girls: No, means NO.
    - Yeah, everybody.
  - When people tell you to give them space (take a hint, they come in many shapes, phrases, body language, jokes, etc)
  - Girls: Learn how to dance with your forearm to keep a safe distance from the lead when you feel uncomfortable, not sure why that is not taught more on dance classes…
  - Guys: Let the girl get as close as she is comfortable with, saves you both headaches…
    - Also for Guys: yes, some girls can get handy when you don’t want them to, it is OK to politely let them to back off.
  - Overall, politeness goes a long way, even if/when others are trying to push your buttons.
- Communication:
  - Newbies: It is helpful to know if you are a beginner, that gives the other person a heads up to be open to being patient. This helps you as much as it helps the other person.
    - Yeah, if we have not seen you dance, it is encouraged to let us know. You may get less “un-asked for lessons” in the middle of the dance, AND more playfulness rather than an… ohh wait, whaaaa??? Mmmm k?
  - For leads and follows:
    - It is OK to politely ask to either slow down, or for a bit of space, or for whatever it is that you may need, just try and be nice/polite about it.
  - As a lead, I can say that one method that has worked for follows that may need stronger lead, cause, soft lead does not get them to turn, or walk, or whatever the move you want to do is…. ask them, hey, can I calibrate with you with slightly stronger lead??? or something along those lines.
    - Girls taller than me tend to appreciate the ask and then the stronger, and thus, more assertive stronger lead.
  - Follows/Girls: No, you don’t need to grab my entire hand as if you are a cat about to fall to the abyss from a high-rise building.
  - Follows/girls: Yes, I stand in front of you in ready-pose at the beginning of the dance to let you know I am ready to start the dance and for you to get as comfortably close as you feel it is OK for YOU.
    - Yeah, like in ballroom… capicci? Comprende??
  - Body language says a lot.
  - Clear and concise body language says more with less.
- Availability and Readiness:
  - Girls:
    - Do you like to sit down at the edge of the room/dance floor?
      - That is a great way to be ignored and signal that you are either taking a break, that you are not looking to dance, that you are not in the mood, that… well, anything but ready to dance.
      - Girls that stand up by the edge of the dance floor signal they are ready for dancing. Yeah????
    - In some cultures, a girl sitting may also mean she is looking for a “proper date” or something… and, like, well, that is also old school…. and well, in short, that just makes guys want to stay away… whatever the reason may be.
    - You look like you are confident, not sad, and having a good time, smiling, yeah, guys are more likely to ask you for a dance.
  - Guys:
    - I was told that when we stand with arms crossed, that signals bad vibes.
    - Stand with arms to the sides, not crossed.
    - Shower.
  - Girls: Shower, brush teeth and deodorant. Yeah, you heard that right.
  - My Dancing Availability:
    - Note: Leads have the untold responsibility of care, more or less, of the follow….
    - At least for Me, I sometimes go out dancing after a long day at work:
      - Starting the dance evening, I may NEED TO:
        
        Warm up dance with a girl I am familiar with, so that, even if I trip or bump into other dancers, I do not have to worry that I need to spend extra care to make sure she will be OK.
        
        Remember, long day…
        
        Not dance with drunk girls.
        
        May or may not dance with a newbie, depending on how tired I am.
        
        If they seem to not need too much care, like a baby, then I may or may not choose to dance with them.
    - Girls: You ever turn me down by looking me up and down, then saying NO, then you are on my “Shit /do not dance with ever again” List.
      - So many girls on that list…. then they see me dance, then try standing next to me… Life is short, go be an a-hole somewhere else.
    - Girls: You are too sweaty, you smell bad… you are not “presentable”, you were rude, Go Away.
    - Girls: Just because I am nice, it does not mean I have to dance with your friend.
      - One time, at a congress, girl called me an a-hole for ignoring her friend and looking at me like she is my boss or something and why the hell was I not dancing with her friend… Just, No. I have boundaries, boss girl. I’m sure she did not read the “Be Nice” section.

Last but not least, the “Shit/Do Not Dance With Ever Again List”

This is more of what I try to practice to be able to enjoy dancing, time is a resource and being respectful with everybody can go a long way. Life is short, surround yourself with nice and positive people. Be Nice. But, then, once in a while, there are people that do not seem to “get it”. You know. People are in their heads, had a bad day, bad week, bad month, bad year, or just don’t yet have the life experience/education/values to be able to hang around with other people, somehow. Well, I spare myself from bad company, Period. Here is why I have, and enforce, a mental black list of girls/women I will not ever dance with again. You may want to read for more info, and how you handle your social dance life will vary with time and places.

Filtering the un-wanted follows/girls/women: Here is what I do actively and on purpose. I wear a plain t-shirt and jeans when going dancing. I will look very simple and humble… Yeah, if upon me asking a girl/woman for a dance, she is looking me up and down then says “no”… Phew… She made it to the “Shit/Do Not Dance With Ever Again List”. Yay! Two things: 1) Thank you for saving me time on getting to know her… I don’t have to waste time. 2) Congratulations, that girl/woman will be ignored forever… No dances, no chit chat, no small talk, no…. nothing. Seriously.

In summary: If people are not nice to you, why even let them hang around?

Can you get out of this awesome black-list??? It would take a lot… and generally, women can be “unapologetic”… so far, none have made it out of the list. Again, your mileage and implementation of your own black-list will vary.

Is it bad to have a black-list? Well, that depends on you. I am more of an Almost-Friendly Urban Hermit, so your mileage may vary. This black-list works for me. I can be friendly, but I will not be a door mat.

Where to learn more about dancing and connection and how to better enjoy social dancing.

There is a somewhat silly anime called “Welcome to the ballroom“, on Amazon Prime. You don’t have to be all silly like in the amine, but it does help you get you on the right track to improving your dance game in things like connection, exercising, socializing, etc.

Advice For the Guys on Social Dancing

If you haven’t yet, watch videos about Jordan B. Peterson. Cause this list, is about making oneself better.

Make yourself better.
Exercise.
Learn more things.
Travel.
Have hobbies.
Have things to talk about.
Be into one thing, or two, deeply, do several other well.
Exercise (yup).
While dancing, try not to be a creep.
Things come to those who better themselves.
Do not be a narcissist.
Do not be an a-hole.
If you thought the 40 laws of power is the way to go… no comment.
Watch videos with Jordan B. Peterson.
Try not to waste your life way aimlessly online.
Learn new things.
You can learn things faster by trying to solve real life problems or thinking, gee, this is hard to learn, but if I were to use this new skill, how could I use it to help x,y,z…
Self Confidence
- Work on it.
- Exercise helps with this.
Try being funny, telling jokes.
Dancing is one of the best hobbies I have ever experienced and is a great skill at work events, social events, weddings, etc… Learn multi dances: Swing, Kizomba, west coast swing, rock and roll, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc…